30th April to 7th May
Week 3
So week 3 ticked off. I'd like to say I've found this week better than week 2 but I haven't.
I've still been having my panicky moments but I know what's triggering them now. Whenever I eat & then get full after; the feeling of being satisfied/full is so unnatural & scary for me that it makes me panic I'm eating to much. My body has been starving 24/7 for the past 2 years so I can't remember the last time I was 'full'. But I'm hoping that when my head gets used to the feeling again & it knows it's not a bad thing. Just that my bodies fuel tank it properly full; which is good!
I've still been having my 3 meals; & even adding in some snacks here & there like a protien shake or nakd bar. At first this made me a bit uncomfortable as I already feel like I'm eating all the time but I know if my body feels hungry then I should feed it.
My mum made some quorn & veg meat balls for me that I've been having for my dinner with lots of salad. I was so nervous about these as well as I've always seen meatballs as a big, meaty, full of fat dish. But these were clean, home made meat balls & Oh My Days they were sooooo amazing. I had to stop myself eating them all in one go! So another new food to add to the list!
I also tried some Metcalfs Skinny Topcorn from the college cafe. I have always wanted to try them & would literally be drooling at them all the time so I thought 'F*** it, I'm gonna get some!' I tried the sweet chilli ones; heaven in my mouth haha Definatley be trying some more!
The exercise side I think I'm really progressing on. I'm actually listening to my body now & I've made sunday my official rest day. Which I don't get panicky over at all anymore. I know that for my muscles & strength to build then I need a rest so I'm actually loving having a lie in for once on a sunday morning! My old teenage laziness is coming back!
I've increased mostt of my weights again this week so I'm on a high from that still :) I'll be lifting heavy in no time!
Me & Lee have also adapted my programme this week by adding a few more sets, new exercises & adding supersets as he felt my strength had increased enough. Ohh yeahhh!
My auntie came up this weekend so me & mum had a chat with her about everything as she always seems to know the right things to say & might be able to help guide me in the right direction. I may have had a little cry (I was feeling emotional haha) but it did really helped. She gives such good advise & it was nice to hear someone elses point of view & ideas on everything My aunties such a strong, amazing person herself & I've always really looked up to her & value everything she says. Knowing I have her behind me as well gives me yet more motivation to keep going. I wrote a post on a thankyou to my mum (Linked here); so if I could become a mixture of my mum & my auntie when I get older then I would be one amazing person trust me!
A few more people have commented on how 'good' I look this week. But they were raendom people who don't know about any of my problems so wouldn't be like 'expecting' eto see a difference. My college tutor said he'd seen a real boost in my mood & I looked so much happier & full of life. Then the lady behind the counter in in the college cafe said I was looking really well & beautiful lately which was really nice of her. I love these sorts of complements as I know I'm going in the right direction & they're not the standard 'hot, sexy' etc complements that are only focusing on appearance & superficial things. I'd rather be healthy & happy than have a 'perfect face & body.'
Bring on Week 4 & my 1 month mark!
Week 3 achievements:
- Adding some healthy snacks
- Trying some snack popcorn
- Upping my weights & adapting my programme to make it more challenging
- I actually managed to take part in a practice circuit in my college lesson; when normally I'd have sat out with an excuse because I had no energy
Week 4 goals:
- Try adding a snack most days
- Try more new foods
- Keep joining in with college lessons rather than sit out with an excuse
- Try & have some 'me' time & have baths/face masks etc again
Love
Wow Stephanie, just found your blog and I think you are brave to share this here, but also such a positive thing to do as it will be good to just talk about it and get it out there, a sort of acceptance and acknowledgement that there was a problem. My aunt is recovering from anorexia, she's in her 50s and has not long come out of rehab. It's tough. You sound like you have some great support around with your mum and aunt. Keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteMeg
www.phazestyle.com
Thank you so much! I wanted to show other people in similar situations they aren't alone & have the same struggles, and find things that help me might also help/inspire them.
DeleteI wish all the best to your aunt, I'm lucky mine was only a couple of years but living with this horrible mentality for 50 years?! is dreadful. She sounds like such a strong woman though to finally tackle it after all these years & I wish her the best & hope she can enjoy her life now she's out of rehab. Hope she stays strong! :)
Stephanie
xxx