Week #1

16th - 23rd April Week 1

Well I have made it through my first week! It went suprisingly okay considering my whole life was getting flipped upside down.

On the first few days I found it hard not to do my usual constantly counting up calories to the exact amount in my head & panic when I didn't know the exact amount & think I'm over eating but now that I'm at the end of the week I feel now I'm slightly more relaxed about it & not as regiment. I can just tally up a 'rough' amount in my head, which means I'm still doing it but hopefully as the weeks progress & I gain the confidence I'll be able to do this less & less. Then finally stop all together!

The food side I knew would be easier than the exercise part. Before I was only eating one small meal at the end of the day; which even then I was only 'allowed' if I did my 1hr 20 minutes of cardio that morning. So my first challenge was to make sure I started to have 3 regular meals throughout the day. Doesn't matter how small or whatever, just get myself used to having 3 meals again & fueling myself throughout the day. A couple of times I found myself a bit bloated & over full; but I completely expected that as my body was getting used to actually having food & re adjusting to not starving. It was nothing overly uncomfortable & went within a few hours so I just had to grit & bear it.

I find now that I'm getting regular food I'm so much more relaxed in my head as well. Like before I would be sat constantly worrying about how many calories I was consuming, how many minutes I had left before I was 'allowed' to eat, how I could burn off those calories, how I could get out of all situations that may have the possibility of having food involved (even tv adverts!) etc. I was always so fidgety, couldn't concentrate & oh my god the grumpy moods I had! I was a nightmare to be around. My poor boyfriend had a lot to deal with! Now I feel so much more alert & awake; like a fog in my head has been lifted. I'm much more positive & happy now in general. I even tried some new foods this week. I felt comfortable enough to try a banana with my yogurt & some home made risotto. Before I would have avoided the banana at all costs due to the high carb & sugar content; the thought of them made me shudder but I thought I'd try mashing it with some cinimon & adding it into some fat free greek yoghurt to begin with so I wasn't so over welmed. And oh my god it was so good so I've been having this as a regular breakfast now. I'd also have avoided the risotto as it's carbs again but it was a home made simple risotto recipe with lots of veg so I thought I'd be brave & try it. Mouthgasm is the only word for it. So I'm so proud of myself for being brave & trying them; especially in the first week as well!

However the exercise side I knew would be harder & not as easy as the food. Letting go of my OCD daily 1hr 20 minutes of hard cardio would be a horrible struggle. But I think I had pushed my body & mind so far with it that I was so ready for a change. I hated doing the cardio but I was forcing myself to do it due to my OCD with it. But when I spoke to Lee about my new programme I was so excited to get started on the weights; I knew I needed to give up my cardio for my health & sanity. I still love cario like running; especially outdoors in the fresh air. Thats where I feel in my element so hopefully when I begin to gain my strength back then I can start to add some running back into my programme. Maybe in time for summer; as I'd love to be able to go on runs down the old railway lines in the sun. Perfection. Something to aim for!

But I absolutley love doing the weights. Why I'd taken so long to try them is beyond me! Girls if you don't lift, then start now! Trust me the feeling of actual good muscle burn & that strong/proud feeling when you increase the weight & complete that last rep! Such an addictive feeling. I now leave the gym feeling like a beast! Rather than crawling out almost in tears at how tired, dead & ill I was. I can't wait to build my strength up again & actually have some guns!

Another think I knew I'd have to bite the bullet & do was start listening to my body & have rest days. Due to my OCD I 'had' to go to the gym everyday. No matter what. If I didn't I'd be in tears as I felt so sick & stressed. But I know for my muscles to recover & grow then I'd have to let them rest.

So on the sunday when I got up I could feel all my muscles ached so I knew I should have a well deserved rest day. I felt so nervous about it on the morning as it was my first ever rest day in like 2 years. But by lunchtime I had relaxed a lot. I went out to the garden centre with my mum & I think that helped me as it was the act of just leaving the house/getting fresh air & I didn't feel so lazy & inactive. My body definatley thanked me for it though so it was worth it. Another thing I'm so proud of!

It's been a struggle having to switch from a 'losing' mentality to a 'gaining' one but I'll get there! Bring on the gains!

I have so much more energy, so much more motivation & so much more positivity. So week one is an amazing success!

Roll on Week 2! :)

I hope I can carry on being this strong & brave.

Week 1 achievements:

• Trying banana & risotto
• Being comfortable enough to have a rest day
• Completing my first upper body workout!

 Week 2 goals:

• Stick to having 3 regular meals a day
• Try a new food
• Maintain the weights in my workouts but try to increase on some 

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